


Under The Stars

by Topographical_Map_Of_Utah



Series: Look For The Force [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, My first fic with the space dads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9282239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah/pseuds/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah
Summary: Chirrut's faith is unflinching. Baze's? Not so much.Update: Okay so this was a series but then a #smart friend pointed out that that this was basically 1 story so I'll make it one story because why tf not. All your pain in one place.





	1. Chapter 1

Baze's footsteps made no sound on the dusty cobblestones as he moved through the city, slinking through alleys and avoiding the patrols with practiced ease, almost invisible in he moonlight. As he walked the sights reached out to him, imploring him with false familiarity. But whatever colour he had once seen had been washed out long ago. Jedha was weatherbeaten, sandy, and crumbling. Buildings, people, every aspect of his home was slowly being eaten up by the desert. Once he had thought this place beautiful. He could not recall why.

It was no surprise to Baze when he found Chirrut a few alleys later. He was in the same spot as four hours ago, the top of the chimney on the roof of a bombed out building in the Holy Quarter, staff laying across his lap, mouth moving in prayer and face turned up towards the sky. Who knew what he was looking for up there. Tonight the stars were blocked out by the damned Destroyer that loomed dark over the city. Hovering, watching, a bird of prey circling the dying calf that was Jedha. Suppose that made Baze a flea, or perhaps a tick.

"Chirrut?"

" _I am one with the Force. The Force is with me. I am one with the Force-_ "

"Chirrut."

" _-The Force is with me. I am-_ "

"Chirrut!"

"Hello, Baze." Chirrut hummed, gaze still skyward. When you factored in the blindness it was likely he didn't mind that his view was blocked. "Lovely evening."

"You can't see it." 

"I can feel it. There is hope, tonight." 

"Is that so?" Baze rested against the brittle bricks and inhaled the sharp night air, let it blunt the edge of his emotions. In days past the city whispered, laughed, sang under the velvet desert sky. Now it lay still, cowed beneath the looming Imperial shadow. But there was still the warm haze of the market's spices and wares dancing in the breeze, lights flickering cozily in the rare home untouched by war. Perhaps Chirrut had a point.

Then down the street they heard a yell, the unmistakeable hiss of a blaster and shrieks in a language Baze didn't recognise. Yet another raid, another attempt to quench the fire of rebellion. Baze didn't even have the energy to be surprised.

"I smell blood on you." Chirrut said suddenly. That was impossible. Baze had used the cannon to carry out the job, as he always did. Yet Chirrut always seemed to know. Perhaps in place of sight, he had something else, some sense Baze couldn't begin to understand. "You've killed tonight."

"An Imperial officer. I won't tell you what he's done. Don't want that filth in my mouth. Or your ears. Might turn you deaf, too."

"Even so. You were not meant for this, Baze." Chirrut hummed, pausing again in his mantra. _I am one with the Force. The Force is with me_. A prayer sent up to nothing, a hymn that pulsed and died unheard. The wind pulled at the fraying edges of his robes and Baze had a sudden image of Chirrut standing up high on an emerald green hill, far from this desert world. He dismissed the thought almost as soon as it came to light. They couldn't leave, even if they got the chance. Unspoken loyalty forbade Chirrut from abandoning what he still considered his post. And wherever Chirrut went, Baze followed.

"Then just what was I meant for? What road has the Force lain out for me? The Force had no hand in this, Chirrut." Another explosion, another plume of white smoke curling up towards the crowded sky. "Seems to be a sad fate for a sacred city, not to mention those who guarded it."

"Is that self-pity I hear? You must be going senile." Chirrut's voice was flat, the barest undercurrent of fondness barely rippling his tone. "There is no such thing as a sad fate. There is only fate. The Force, and what it wills for you." Ignoring Baze's derisive snort was reflex to Chirrut. So he ignored it, skillfully at that. "You, Baze, are meant to be a guardian. What you watch over is the real question. You protected the Force, once. Now you protect me."

"Were you meant to be a sentimental fool, Chirrut?" 

"No more foolish than you." Chirrut smiled and rested his hands on his knees, back to his meditation. "You are the one who still stands by this sentimental fool."

Now Baze couldn't even argue with that. Without even bothering to answer he leant back, watching Chirrut stare at nothing as he chanted. It still baffled Baze, but he had seen people be unsettled by the milky blue of Chirrut's eyes, the way he couldn't help but stare. Strange that in a world like theirs a blind man could still raise such feelings.

"You are watching me." Chirrut said after awhile.

"I'm making sure you don't fall off that chimney of yours. Come down from there. You'll break your neck and then who would I have left to speak to? I suppose I would get lonesome, after I stopped celebrating." Chirrut nearly tripped on his way down and Baze moved to steady him, shaking his head. "You see? The only reason I'm still here is because you would wind up dead in the gutter if I wasn't around."

"You may very well protect my body." Chirrut confirmed as he tapped his way across the roof. "But your soul is in my care. I think I have the more difficult task."

"I disagree." Believing that he was proving his point, Baze pulled Chirrut back from the edge, holding him closer than may have been necessary. "My soul is fine."

"Really? My work is cut out for me. What do you have faith in, Baze Malbus? What under the stars compels you to carry on living?" 

"It's time you stop asking questions you know the answer to." Baze huffed in an attempt at gruffness. But hiding his feelings was no simple task. Perhaps Chirrut couldn't see the warmth in Baze's eyes, but he could hear it hiding in his voice like a child playing hide and seek.

"It's unwise to place all of your faith in one man." Chirrut chided gently. 

"You are underestimating him, what he can do. There's so much strength in him. I don't tell him that enough." Baze sighed and looked upwards, finding that the Destroyer had floated across the sky, revealing a little patch of the heavens to him. As Baze counted the stars Chirrut's eyes drifted that way too, smiling at something invisible to him, but pleased that Baze could see it.

What Baze wouldn't do for this man, and what Chirrut wouldn't do for him.

"Chirrut?"

"Baze."

"I don't...I do not know that I am one with the Force." Baze said slowly. That was the truth. Baze's faith had been all but burnt out of him, burnt with the temple he had called home for so long. "But I know I am one with you."

"And so you are one with the Force." Chirrut turned towards Baze and reached out for his face, tracing the scars that more often than not were confused for tricks of the light. Baze leant into the touch, searching for the simple comfort that having Chirrut's hands on him brought. This worn routine was a sharp contrast to their early days, so buoyant and bright with teasing. Nips to Chirrut's fingertips, firm pinches on Baze's ruddy cheeks. Sun-warmed mornings, decades old now, spent lying together with the windows open and door locked. Chirrut exploring Baze with every sense he had, Baze staring into Chirrut's eyes and seeing a rolling expanse of blue sky where others saw emptiness.

"How long?" Baze breathed. 

"Years. Decades." Chirrut reminded him, dragging a hand through Baze's coarse, greying hair. There was still that wonder in his touch, though. That had never gone away. "Yet not long enough."

When Chirrut pressed their foreheads together Baze closed his eyes, breathing in time with Chirrut, feeling his heart slow, feeling the city hum around them and trying to identify what he felt right now. In this moment, standing on a rooftop with the galaxy crumbling and breaking apart around him, what did he feel?

Serene, Baze decided, cupping Chirrut's face in his hands. He felt serene.

"You are one with the Force." Chirrut repeated softly. "And I am with you." 

Force willing, Baze would never be without him.


	2. Chapter 2

 "His clothing has Imperial markings." Chirrut nodded at Baze's words, staring across the transport while the last of their newfound teammates was described to him. "He wears goggles, and his hair is kept back in a ponytail of sorts." Baze continued, his voice intermingling with the drone of raindrops striking the durasteel above their heads. The perpetually leaking crack in the hull was no friend to him. Sure, Baze liked rain, but this was just excessive. And when he had imagined going off-world this had not been what he had in mind.

"Imperial markings?" Chirrut asked. Baze took Chirrut's hand from where it was resting on his knee and opened it up, slowly tracing the simple insignia on Chirrut's palm. It was a practiced, familiar motion. When asked Baze could build up tolerable portraits of people, places, whatever sight stuck out to him as important or interesting. In his mind it was imperative that Chirrut not miss a moment. The storm raged outside, and Baze allowed his mind to wander as his finger painted the invisible symbol, let it drift away from the home they had lost. Only it had stopped being home long ago.

After a rather rough landing on Eadu the young rebels they'd taken up with had funnelled out of the ship one by one. First it was Cassian and Bodhi, the hardened soldier and the jumpy defector with the eyes of an honest man. They were followed shortly by Jyn, who Baze was beginning to feel a strange kinship to. Finally the droid had left to steal a ship, and now it was just him and Chirrut sitting in the drafty U-wing wreckage. Not that Baze was about to protest. Two old men had no place among the young and rash. At least that was Baze's excuse for staying in the ship while the rest of them traipsed about in the cold. 

"You could say he has a disheveled air about him. Scruffy-looking, I suppose. Like he's spent the past ten years cleaning engines and hasn't had the chance to make himself presentable. Aside from that..." Baze hesitated, touching Chirrut's arm after a short pause allowed him time to consider. "His face is kind and nervous. He is scared, but he is willing to fight. You were right to trust him." Chirrut smiled knowingly and Baze heaved out a resigned sigh. "You also do not know how hard it was for me to admit that."

Still chuckling to himself, Chirrut nodded at the last statement, apparently satisfied with Baze's description. "Believe me, I know very well. You would be a writer, in another life." he prophesied, allowing Baze to curl his hand in his, the coarsened and cracking nails gentle on his skin. "Either that or a poet, I think. You're at home with your words."

"Is that so? Well, at least in this life I get to be your eyes. It's not ideal, but I can't complain." While Chirrut threw his head back and laughed Baze allowed himself a smile. "Although I can't help but wonder if my words are enough. I'm not the most eloquent of men. There must be something I haven't been able to describe properly. Is there anything you wish you could see? Anything?"

"You." Chirrut's voice was a calm hum, the cadence of a breeze whispering on desert dunes, but Baze hadn't spent thirty years at his side to not pick up on the soft strain of yearning, a snag in his ever-present composure. "If nothing else in the galaxy, I would like to see you."

"Is that so? More than Vrogas Vas? Ahch-To? The great temples of the Jedi Order? You would rather see this grizzled mug of mine?" Chirrut nodded and Baze barked out a laugh. It bounced against the dented walls, bold and unapologetic as the ancient bell that rang the hour in their temple, in days long past. "I thought attachment was against the Jedi way, oh devoted one." he teased, pressing a kiss to Chirrut's knuckles. "Yet you and I seem to be rather attached, are we not?"

"Perhaps, but I see no shame in it. We are alive, Baze. We feel. To deny the turmoil which comes with that is simple foolishness. The Force is there to guide us through the storm, to lead us to those with whom we should be. Who will make us that which we should be." Chirrut said patiently. From where he drew that well of patience, Baze was still unclear. "The Jedi's attempts to stamp out their emotions is what brought about their downfall, I believe. Some things are too strong not to feel. Simply not feeling is not the answer. The Sith felt. Their power grew. If the Jedi had learnt to do the same..."

"We wouldn't be in this sorry state." 

"So it appears.  _There is no emotion, there is peace_." Chirrut quoted. Baze recognised the verse. Faithless as he was, spending the better part of his life guarding the Temple of the Kyber had had some side effects.

"I remember that code. Chipped into one of the pillars in the courtyard, wasn't it? I always did think that idea was questionable..."

"I seem to recall you _questioning_ it very often." Chirrut hummed, looking smug. All of fifty-three years old, and Chirrut's sly jab nearly raised a blush in Baze's pockmarked cheeks. 

"Quiet, you." he grumbled as Chirrut snickered behind the sleeve of his robe. The tenets of the Jedi had extended to the Guardians, Force-sensitive or not, but from the beginning Baze and Chirrut had been bending those rules to the breaking point. There should have been guilt, they knew, yet no such thing ever stirred in them, and for a long while it had remained a mystery.

But they had come to a satisfying conclusion one unbearably warm morning all of two decades ago, sticking to one another under the thin sheets of Chirrut's mattress, picking sand out of their pillows and philosophizing about things beyond their comprehension.

What they had said that day was unimportant; the conclusion they had drawn, vital. You had to control and consider your emotions, yes, but never simply deny them. In denying them you gained nothing and lost everything. In denying them you forgot what you stood for, and in forgetting, you fell prey to darkness.

Baze no longer felt any connection to the Force. He no longer believed in an all-encompassing power. But he did, however, believe in something. That belief and the emotions behind it, that made all the difference. 

"I suppose it was about freedom, in the end. Freedom to feel, to love." Chirrut mused. "There are few things free in the galaxy. Few things we are free to give and accept at our own choosing. Love is one of those things. And I made my choice, Baze Malbus. I made my choice long ago."

"As did I." And it felt like it, too. So, so long ago. "What do you think I look like, now?" Baze asked, the impulse bursting out of his mouth before he could consider. Chirrut cocked an eyebrow and smiled in Baze's general direction, the blue of his eyes strange to see while hearing the rain.

"You realise, of course, that you are asking this to a blind man. But if you must know, I would say you _feel_..." Chirrut's eyebrows drew together and his expression softened as he trailed his fingers over the rough contours of Baze's face, coarsened by age and circumstance. Was that a smirk Baze saw pulling at his lips? "Old." 

"Is that so? I don't see what I'm meant to take from that." 

"Take from it that I have loved you long enough to have you grow old at my side." The warm touch of Chirrut's fingers had not changed in decades. Neither had the stillness of him; the way he put Baze at ease. Baze closed his eyes, and for a moment the past crept into the present, blurred the edges of then and now. He half expected to open his eyes and be met with the sight of their shared room in the temple, feel the vitality of young limbs and bright eyes. They were young, he was sure of it. They were young and Chirrut was protected.

"Chirrut-" Then, when his voice came out rusty Baze winced, reality once more taking hold. Age had caught up with him again, but the look on Chirrut's face made it very hard for him to mind. 

"Your hair is longer than it once was. Have you thought of cutting it?" he asked, tugging at the unmanageable mass of hair Baze had not thought of in ages. It was an invitation to the return to normalcy, and Baze was glad to take it. Little about their life had been normal, as of late. 

"I've had other priorities. Namely keeping you out of trouble." 

"You've done a fantastic job at that." Chirrut said, giving the wall of the ship a tap. He laughed, a sound Baze would never tire of hearing, then the fool got to his feet and ducked out into the pouring rain, using his staff as a cane to make a path through the slick, mossy rocks blocking his way.

"Where are you going?" When Chirrut deigned not answer Baze simply shrugged and rested back against the doorway, watching the retreating figure be eaten up by the swirling fog and trying to convince himself to stay put. "Good luck." 

"I don't need luck." Chirrut called back. "I have you."

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Baze."

"Mmph?" It took a moment, but Baze managed to drag himself out of sleep, gruffly acknowledge the calm voice that had drifted uninvited into the dream he had been having. "The hell, Chirrut? It's late..."

"I love you."

The air seemed to still, Chirrut's words hanging above Baze like an unanswered question. Fully conscious of the fact that this was likely another dream, Baze opened one eye and lifted his head from his pillow with a questioning huff, the scene slowly coming into focus. The sun had gone down, and light from the ritual fires flickering in the Temple's courtyard fell across the clutter on their floor: scrolls, discarded clothing from earlier, parts of the lightbow Chirrut spent most waking hours working on.

As was his habit on nights when sleep was hard to come by, Chirrut had settled himself on the rickety stool in the corner to meditate. It creaked something awful and had been missing a leg when they found it, but that had been an easy fix with some odds and ends salvaged from a rubbage heap. Chirrut hadn't bothered to get dressed, meditating with legs crossed and blue eyes upwards, humming a chant that Baze couldn't quite catch. The fine pattern of his ribs pushed against his skin with each steady breath, delicate and strong all at once. Baze found himself following the ridges and lines of Chirrut's body and wishing that he could draw. 

They were twenty-four and twenty-five, and had known each other for twenty of those years. This shabby room behind the Temple of Kyber had been theirs for two. It was space meant for one, but they made it work. At least they pretended that it worked. Thinking that he must have misheard Chirrut earlier Baze shrugged and settled back on their thin mattress, trying to clear his head.

"What was that?" 

"I hope you're not going deaf. Where would that leave me? I said that I love you." Chirrut repeated. It was as though he was commenting on the weather, a spike in the price of jogan fruit. He had that way about him, a frankness Baze would never understand. 

"You sap." Baze mumbled into his pillow, not bothering to hide his smile. "I s'pose you're expecting me to say it back, huh?"

"Don't bother denying it. I know you want to say it, too." 

"What makes you so confident?" Baze rolled out of bed and stepped softly across the floor, careful to avoid the lightbow. For someone in his position, Chirrut had no qualms about leaving things scattered all over. If not for Baze putting everything back where it belonged Chirrut would likely lose what few possessions he had in under a month, if he didn't trip on them first, that is.

"Why would you be coming over to kiss me if the answer was no?" Chirrut said smugly, tilting his head up in time to slide his lips against Baze's. They kissed slow and chaste, Baze with his hands on the small of Chirrut's back, Chirrut swiping his fingers through Baze's hair. It had been softer, then. Everything had been softer. Chirrut felt lean and sinewy and strong against Baze, body coiled up tight as a spring, glowing with the light sheen of sweat that tinged all exposed flesh on this desert world. He traced a scar on Chirrut's hip with the pad of his thumb and sighed. How many fights Baze had dragged this hothead away from, they would never know.

"You are going to say it, aren't you?" Chirrut murmured after awhile. Baze just laughed and nipped at his ear. How he loved this contradiction of a man. A warrior monk, a disciple of the Force who believed in love, a blind man who saw the world in a light that Baze could never understand but was happy to bask in. His very own star with a heart made of Kyber.

"I love you." he whispered.

And Baze would. For the rest of his life, he would.

 

\----- 

 

It couldn't have been more than ten, maybe twenty seconds. Twenty seconds for Chirrut to slip away from Baze, make his way towards the master switch that would deactivate the deflector shield. Twenty seconds for Baze's world to go up in flames.

"Chirrut!" More shots ricocheted off of the doorway he was hunkered down in and Baze snarled as he fired back. It was no use. When one trooper fell, another two burst from the tree line, blasters trained on Chirrut as he advanced, slowly, purposefully. Fearlessly. "Chirrut, come back!"

He didn't listen to Baze's pleas. He kept walking, staff out in front of him, mouth moving with that ridiculous mantra of his and bolts of energy appearing to curve around him, bowing out of his path as though in awe. Baze spared moments in the firefight to keep an eye on Chirrut's progress. Before his eyes Chirrut stumbled against the control panel and searched, his fingers skimming buttons and levers, then his hand was on the switch and he pushed just before a grenade went off at his side.

Baze yelled as the explosion ripped through the air, bursting from his hiding place and firing indiscriminately at the enemies who remained. Before the last trooper hit the ground Baze was at Chirrut's side, gathering him up in his arms, keeping him safe. Because that was what he was meant to do, wasn't it? Guard Chirrut, keep him from harm, protect the faith that lived in the man he loved. That was what Chirrut had said he was meant for. If that was true, how had this been allowed to happen? How had Baze failed at this?

The real question was what he should do now. Should he weep? Yell? Curse the galaxy for doing this to him? He did none of that. He simply squeezed Chirrut tighter and took a deep breath, let the breeze drown out the sounds of blasters and starfighters and the cries of fallen soldiers. A moment. That's all he wanted. A moment for themselves after they had carried the galaxy on their backs. 

"Chirrut, don't go." Baze softened his voice. "Don't go."

What else should he say? There should be more that that simple plea, he knew, but it had all been said before. Whispered softly under sun-warmed sheets, confessed in darkness that brightened with the words. It had been held like a secret behind cracked and smiling lips before being released by a kiss. It had been Chirrut's, and it had been Baze's. 

Chirrut gasped and Baze trembled, mind reeling, searching. What do you say to a dying man? That it will be alright? That you're here for him? That you love him? How can you help someone through something you don't understand?

"I..." _I love you_ , Baze meant to say. Then he choked on the clumsy words and took a deep breath. Chirrut knew that, would always know that. What could Baze say to him, then? "I'm here." he soothed. "I'm here, Chirrut."

Chirrut managed a jerky nod and Baze swallowed a sob, knowing he had chosen the right words. Being here, right now, that was the important thing. Saying _I love you_ would have had the same impact as saying that the sky is blue. The way worlds turned on their axes, their love just was. Their love was quiet. It was still. It was the bedrock on which Baze's morality stood, the place he went to seek refuge and redemption. 

Now it was shaking in his arms like a desert bloom in the wind. Chirrut's robes were bloody and Baze wondered vaguely how they would get those stains out when they went home. But NiJedha was destroyed, and as hard as Baze tried, he couldn't convince himself that Chirrut would live. That explosion had thrown him like a doll, sent him spinning through the air. That didn't seem right. Chirrut was heavy, weighted. Even now he lay like a stone in Baze's arms.  

"It's okay." Chirrut breathed. Was it? Was it okay that Chirrut was leaving him? Okay that Baze was going to be alone? "It's okay. Look for the Force." In a final effort he raised a hand speckled with mud and blood, moving as though to caress Baze's cheek. Baze could feel it before Chirrut even touched him. He knew how it would feel, how warm a touch it was, the safety and sureness in it. That, he knew. But what did he know about a world without Chirrut?

"Chirrut..."

"Look for the Force, and you will always find me."

As Chirrut died, Baze wondered what the last sensation he had felt was, the last thing that had registered in his mind before it all slipped away. For most people he imagined it was sight, the world fading, melting, being swallowed up in nothingness. But Chirrut's world was already dark. 

Be that as it may, Chirrut sought and saw the light. Always, he turned his face up to a glow unknown to Baze. The light reflected on Chirrut's face had always been enough for Baze to go on with, though. But now he was left in darkness.

After resting Chirrut's body on the warm sand Baze turned to the approaching squad of death troopers, cannon at the ready. Their black armour glinted like beetle carapaces, like the vermin that darted through the alleys of NiJedha, breeding in darkness and moving in silence. That's what it was, wasn't it? The Empire. A plague that was infesting the galaxy, turning it all to rot. And what was to stop that advance?

"The Force is with me." Baze said quietly. "I am one with the Force."

The words should have felt foreign in his mouth. They were not his own. But what belonged to Chirrut that hadn't belonged to Baze as well? To believe in Chirrut was to believe in the Force. To be with the Force was to be with Chirrut. And how badly Baze wished to be with him. 

"The Force is with me. I am one with the Force." 

The battle carried on around and within him, the outcome still in limbo. As he fought he allowed himself to wonder what had become of his friends, his newfound little sister. Perhaps they had lost. He would never know. He would not survive today. 

"The Force is with me. I am one with the Force."

A blaster bolt caught him in the chest and Baze gasped before gritting his teeth and refusing to go down. He fired back and a stormtrooper fell to the ground. Chirrut. He wanted to see Chirrut again.

"The Force is with me. I am one with the Force."

A grenade sailed through the air. Baze knew it was coming and did nothing to avoid it.

"I am one with the Force." he repeated for what he knew would be the last time. "And the Force is with me."

The ground he stood on shook with the strength of an explosion that sent the galaxy into turmoil. For a moment, everything was red. Then, suddenly, it was blue, and he was in pain. Baze blinked up at a sky that was not his own as darkness ate away at his vision. His blood stuck to his armour and coagulated on his skin. Death hovered over him, sympathetic and easeful, but he resented it all the same. 

 _Why die?_   he wondered as everything began to shut down. He felt cold, even under the sunlight, even as fire burnt around him and blood warmed his chest. _Why did I choose to die?_ Then his gaze fell on Chirrut's still form on the sand beside him and he remembered. And in remembering, he put his fading mind at ease.

_I go to the Force. I go to find you._

**Author's Note:**

> man this movie hit me right in the honey nut feelios
> 
> leave a comment or something if you wanna, and i'm on tumblr as topographical-map-of-utah so you can go yell at me there too!


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